Jesus, Learning, Milly Becoming Wilder

Un Frozen

I’ve been spending a lot of time “crock-potting” these days. I’m pretty sure my sister-in-law, Leah, coined that phrase. It essentially means that I process things over an extended period of time. The slow-cooking version of the mind and heart. Some people like to hash things out right away, but it takes me time…

I have spent a lot of my life thinking, dreaming, and reading, but rarely to never doing. I’ve always wanted to be someone who helps other people. I even got a degree in a “helping profession”, but as I reflect on my twenties, I am ashamed at how little helping I actually did.

A few months ago I started praying about this. Prayer is a dangerous thing, you know. Prayers get answered, and out of your comfort zone you go. I prayed that God would give me opportunities to serve Him by serving others. I know there are needs all around, but in the busyness of life, I often feel like I don’t get the chance to make a difference.

As I said, prayers get answered. I was given quite a few opportunities to minister to others this fall, and I feel like the tiny bit of change I’m making in the world is making a major change in me.

I’m not going to claim to be a completely selfless person, but I will say that the reason I haven’t been helping people over the last decade isn’t about selfishness. It’s about fear. I have had gobs of dreams and ideas about how I would offer my living sacrifice to God, but I ultimately always turn away in fear.

What if what I do doesn’t make a difference? What if I get sick? What if I don’t have time for my family or the activities that I enjoy? What if I don’t have the resources? What if I fail?

Fear is not of God. Fear focuses on self and self’s limitations.

I spent many years frozen in fear, but as I answer “yes” to the small opportunities I’m given, God is showing me that He can make something out of my nothing. I need only show up. If I keep my eyes on Jesus, and not on myself in all my shortcomings, He will make the difference. And I’m the one who receives the blessing. This “crock-potting” heart is slowly, but surely, warming up to His kingdom work.

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