I always look forward to January 1. It’s a fresh start…and I really need a fresh start this time. Last year was one of the best years of my life, but also one of the hardest.
I am deep-down-in-my-soul tired.
Physically, I’m exhausted because apparently not every baby in the world will sleep through the night like Josiah did. Mentally, I’m spent because meeting the needs of two children is a lot harder than it looks. Spiritually and emotionally, I’m worn thin because 2016 found me putting so much pressure on myself to reach that lofty goal of perfection. I hate to admit that, but it is absolutely the truth. There were some ugly moments in the past 365, because of self-inflicted anxiety. I was hard on my family and hard on myself.
Therefore, I’ve decided to make 2017 the year of grace. I understand the concept of grace from God on a cerebral level, but I have very little understanding of how to apply it. This year I need to relearn grace.
- my lack of faith in tough moments
- my inability to be the mom I thought I’d be
- the times Dustin and I don’t connect
- the nights I fall to pieces because I’m just so tired
- the times I lash out instead of reach out for help
- the ways I’m failing my kids
- the days I spend too much time on social media
- my kids’ lack of baby books and Pinterest crafts
- the dark circles under my eyes and my thinning hair (thank you postpartum hair loss!)
- my squishy tummy
- my messy house (hello dishes mountain!)
- the way my van makes us look just a step above homeless (I’ll clean it out eventually when I have to take someone somewhere…maybe)
- my less than glorious spiritual (lack of) disciplines
- the days when homeschooling is lackluster
- all the nights I don’t do yoga
- all the days I can’t juggle everything and end up eating chocolate in fetal position…
Is that list long enough for you to see that I am a mess in need of grace?!
I’m really excited to see what 2017 holds, but I’m going to choose grace for all the ways it might not go well and all the ways I might fail. I have a lot of goals for the year, but I’m going to try to be gentler on myself when I can’t meet the demands of my New Years’ Resolutions. And in that same spirit, I’m going to try to take it easy on others, as well.
Ain’t nobody perfect but Jesus.
And boy, don’t we all need His grace…