Hey there, Momma. Have you been struggling, weighed down by ALL THE THINGS you have to do just to get through a day? I was on full out survival mode for a good two years; maybe more, but I really don’t want to count.
I have a real tendency to get choked under the hold of daily life. The relentless nature of adult life and motherhood is really tiresome and grueling sometimes! People around here want to eat 3 meals a day, not to mention snacks, and they are constantly wearing and dirtying clothes…it can be a lot less glorious than I pictured it. Add to that paying bills and figuring out home-ownership, and I usually find myself with more tasks than energy.
Because I have an obsession with productivity (it is a problem), after Hosanna was born, I was constantly trying to get my kids otherwise occupied so that I could catch up chores, work on artwork, do the budget, plan the grocery list…the list is never ending. I was pushing my babies away, and I wasn’t finding joy in motherhood. It made my heart ache more than I can describe with words. This isn’t what I signed up for!
I had this never ceasing, nagging guilt, as Josiah would ask “Will you play with me?” and I almost always found myself saying “no” (insert sob here). “Playing is not productive”, I thought!
However, I recently heard something that really challenged and changed the way I approach my children and motherhood…
“What do you want your kids to remember?”
That one question was enough to help me begin a transformation in the way I approach my days. Do I want my kids to remember that momma never stopped working or staring at a screen to play and just enjoy their childhood? Do I want my kids to remember that momma always stressed, always griped, always wished the days away? Heavens, NO!
I personally think I had the BEST childhood. What I remember is my dad laying in the living room floor playing Barbie dolls with me and jamming in the truck to “Barbie and the Rockers” (it was a pink cassette tape!). I remember my mom setting up a Barbie wedding, complete with a toilet paper aisle runner. I remember my parents practicing sports with me and playing Hot Wheels on New Years Eve in the kitchen. I remember movie nights with make-shift beds on the living room floor and all the ice cream a kid could want. I KNOW my parents didn’t have it easy, but they made sure we had lots of fun and memories. They didn’t take life with us too seriously, and they weren’t afraid to be silly!
I want to carry on that legacy. I want my kids to remember a momma who laughed, who snuggled, who cherished the oh-so-fleeting moments she had with them. I want them to remember that I greeted them warmly in the mornings and snuggled them and prayed over them at night. I want them to remember dance parties and Hot Wheels races, digging in the dirt and catching fireflies.
I want to fill their days with hearing mighty tales of heroes, reading the Bible, and praying together. I want them to remember making silly faces, celebrating big days and small days, making cookies together, wrestling, and all sorts of adventures in nature.
Playing with my babies, snuggling their little bodies, reading them stories…all these things are building a legacy that no amount of laundry, dishes, or clean counters could ever amount to.
I have to do chores and pay bills. It’s part of life. But I’m trying to obsess less and less every day. It’ll get done or it won’t today. My babies won’t remember the grind of everyday life or the mess.