Leaning on Grace

Mommy Fail

This is the kind of night it’s been, and I feel so defeated. After almost two solid years of being a working mom, I just can’t get the hang of it. I’m mentally and emotionally drained at the end of the day, and I’ve got very little to offer the two most important people in my life. By 5 p.m. I have heard and said my limit of words for the day, but Josiah wants to SAY ALL THE WORDS.

In the midst of this season, I can’t ignore that every time I turn on Pandora, Hillsong’s “Oceans” comes on. “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders”…I’m not sure if God is leading me to a giant leap of faith or if Jesus is just reminding me to trust Him in my everyday mess.

When it comes to parenting, my mom always says you do your best and then you pray for God to fill in the gaps. In a time when I feel like my gaps have turned into gaping canyons, I need to trust that God will hold Josiah and give me grace for all the ways I fail my child.

At the end of this gloomy day, Josiah still wanted to hold my hand until he fell asleep. God’s grace is sufficient for me.

1 Comment

  1. Oh Felisha, you are doing it perfectly……..Be Still and know that I am God always comes to my mind. I struggle with working full-time, being a mommy, wife, housekeeper, teacher, leader, church servant and all things that go with it. I am very “OCD” on some things and have a hard time relaxing when I gt home from work. Do this, do that. David has taught me that our house doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s ok to be tired and to relax and our kids while they might not understand now, will grow to see (2) parents that loved when loving wasn’t easy, provided, spent time (even though we feel it’s never enough) , but what it is to be hard working and responsible. My kids have told me to “chill” and relax……..sometimes I do, sometimes I can’t…….It’s hard to keep our “tiredness and frustrations” of wanting to be “perfect” inside. I was at a friends house yesterday picking up my niece and her house (to me) was not tidy. I thought – – – really??? You stay home all day and your dishes are piled up, laundry baskets in the front room, and stuff everywhere. I was overwhelmed with her lack of priorities and organization…..However, last night I was thinking about what she and her kids did that day. The scrap booked and made cards for the shut-ins at church. I was humbled to think she set aside “organizing” and focused on serving. I need to be reminded of this as well. YOU are doing a great job. Not everyday is going to be play play play and that’s ok…..mommy’s need recharging too. The important thing is that his initial response was one of saying “chill”, but in the end he said “I get it mommy…hold my hand”………I know this is a rambling……but I hope you find encouragement in this. Hubby’s while extremely supportive and loving…..are different…..David can come home and relax all evening not evening noticing the dishes, laundry, etc……..Women are made differently…..No relaxing until we feel “organized”…….Breathe and know you are a fabulous mommy and wife! You have not failed Josiah – – – -you are teaching his powerful tools that may not seem like it now, but he will get it as he gets older. I use to stress of being a working mom and “not an at home one”…..Georgia is learning that as a woman, she can achieve anything she wants……Be a mom, have a career, family and have it all……..I love my job and have no degree but have worked HARD to achieve my level of accomplishements……Josiah is learning that you are willing to give and sacrifice for him. Just like our heavenly father did for us.

    Such a rambling I am so sorry….but my heart and mind always think before my organization of writing. Hugs to you today as you should be encouraged as a beautiful product of where God wants you to be.

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