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The One That Got Away

Hey friends, how are you? I am doing well, and I find my days very full between two kids, creating art, etc. I’ve been feeling the need to write for some time now, and tonight my heart just became heavy enough with a message to make it a reality.

“The one that got away” has been on my heart, and I can’t shake the feeling. I’m not talking about a guy. That’d be a scandal for a Christian mom blog, wouldn’t it? No, I’m talking about a friend who walked away from Christ, and I’m responsible. Just admitting that is a gut check.
The truth is no singular person is to blame for the spiritual life of another, but we contribute to the walk of others, don’t we?

Truthfully, this could be about the ONES that got away, because I’ve hurt, confused, pushed away quite a few friends.

There was a time in my life when I was about to walk away from Christ myself, and this is probably when I did the most damage, at least by a tangible measure of friends who no longer follow Christ. The reasons I made a mess of things weren’t because of my own doubt. No, that may have brought my friends into the fold. My failure was in pretending that I was okay and had a faith worth modeling. Maybe if they’d known they weren’t alone in their questions and struggles they would have come a little closer to the Cross.

I spent those days screaming my devotion to Christ. In my experience, the ones who are the loudest are the ones hiding insecurities. Allow me to prove myself by distracting you from what is really going on behind my closed doors.

Oh it hurts to look back on those days and to see the results of my phony faith. I’m friends with these people on Facebook, and I see their disdain for the church and its members. Sure some people would walk away regardless, but in so many of their lives, I cannot claim to have provided them with any viable argument that they might be wrong about the church. Nope, I confirmed their thought that Christians are just legalistic, hypocritical, and loveless. Lord Jesus, forgive me.

May I implore you to be real about your faith? Drop the smoke screen and mirrors. If only I’d told him, “I’m struggling, too. I’m not really sure this is all real. I’m scared to death, but I’m hanging on because the love of Christ is the only place there seems to be hope.” Maybe he wouldn’t be angry and a decade beyond any sort of connection with Christ.

I know I’m not perfect, and there is grace and forgiveness for my mistakes. I’m growing and being sanctified with each passing year. But I wish I wouldn’t have lied and pretended that my faith was secure. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten away. So much of following Christ and discipling others is being open about our own brokenness and our lowly position before a Holy God. I wish I’d known.

I don’t have eloquent words to say, but this is bringing me to my knees. My heart aches, because I could have done more for the Kingdom by being openly heartbroken than I ever did by feigning joy.

LORD, please bring my friend back to You.

Goals for December 2015

Recap of November Goals

  • Learn more about and foster a continuous brew kombucha. < I really can’t say enough about Kombucha. It is wonderful. When the brew was ready and I began drinking about 4 oz daily, it dramatically improved some pregnancy related digestive issues I was having. It also reduced my morning sickness and heartburn. I’ve been feeling more energetic and I didn’t catch Josiah’s cold during the week of Thanksgiving. This is all anecdotal, but it’s proof enough for me. I feel better. WIN.
  • Make homemade toothpaste. < I incorporated this into a school day, so it was both healthful and educational. 
  • Get back to my spiritual disciplines. < As always, it’s a daily learning process, but I feel like I’m getting back where I need to be. 
  • Be WAY more consistent with homeschooling Josiah.
  • Organize Josiah’s homeschool area.
  • Follow Clean Mama’s simple guide to keeping my house squeaky clean. < “Squeaky clean” would be generous, but the bathroom has been cleaner, so I’m pleased.
  • And lastly, try to enjoy this pregnancy and all that comes with it. < It’s been a much better month, and we are so excited to get to see our precious baby via ultrasound in a few weeks!!!

Goals for December 2015

  • Do some Christmas crafts with Josiah.
  • Increase exercise, specifically prenatal yoga.
  • Continue to make weekly time for making art.
  • Grow in spiritual discipline.
  • Read more and listen to more music. Watching television has become a habit in the last three months (survival mode, anyone?). I’m not anti-television, but I don’t want it taking up so much of my precious time.
  • Celebrate my 30th birthday with the people I love.
  • Start making out my #40BeforeForty List. I didn’t complete my #30BeforeThirty, but it did motivate to do a lot of things I cared about. It’s a great practice. You should try it!

I hope you have a wonderful December! Merry Christmas!

 

The Weekend Wave: August 9

Tomorrow, the man of my dreams is turning 30! Josiah and I are definitely doing the wave for Daddy! We thank God for Him daily, and for all that he does to grow and strengthen our family. I can’t imagine my life without Dustin. He is a man worthy of respect and honor, and I’m praying and reading and searching for all the ways I can be his best helper. He is more than I deserve and everything I want. Josiah thinks the sun rises and sets on his Daddy, and I get to sit back and watch their relationship in awe. We have a pretty great thing going. Thank You, Jesus! Happy Birthday, Dustin! Let’s make it another great year. 30 looks stunning on you! XOXO – Felisha

  • I’ve been researching home preschool for Josiah, as he’s about to turn 4 this month (say it ain’t so!). As with just about everything else, it seems like I don’t know how to just enjoy life without worrying a little bit. I’ve been stressing that I don’t have what it takes to homeschool my boy, but then I started reading and realized I’ve been homschooling him since birth. This blog post by Deep Roots At Home is a testament to the importance of play in a child’s development. Playing Legos, taking nature walks, and running through sprinklers are all developing Josiah’s understanding of the world around him.
  • This past month has been really amazing for the health of our family. We began eating the Trim Healthy Mama way, and it’s making all the difference. I recommend this plan wholeheartedly, because I believe it can change your life and health for the better if you give it a shot. I haven’t bought any of their products yet, because I think you can keep this pretty simple. However, after a little research this weekend, I realized how much cheaper their products are than the things I’ve bought at the grocery store. They’ve been kind enough to allow me to have an affiliate link (you can sign up, too, if you believe in this program!), so if you decide to buy something through this link, I’ll receive a small percentage to help pay for my website. Cool, huh?
  • This Friday, I got to have a mom’s night out with a great group of Christian women, some whom I’ve known since high school. Raising children together and sharing in Christ is a blessing I can hardly describe. Good girlfriends are vital to a life well-lived. If you live in or around Harrison, Ohio, and you have Tuesday’s off, we’d love for you to join us. Childcare is provided. For more information, check out the website.

Have a great week! Do the wave!

Goals for April 2015

Recap of March Goals

March was…I don’t even want to talk about it. The goal completion was lacking, but the living was not. So much packed into one month. Sheesh.

1. Finish reading Acts, and read through Romans > A lot more reading got done, but not in Romans. And I started hosting a small group in my home. Win.

2. Visit the Indianapolis Dummels (A Show Choir Competition and a 3rd Birthday Party are on the agenda!) > Josiah and I discovered a new love – Show Choir. Dancing. Singing. Fanfare. The stuff dreams are made of. Ha!

3. Practice Josiah’s memory verses with him > He only went to a few of the classes, and I only practiced one verse with him. But he’s too cute when he repeats it…so he wins.

4. Bring a weekly meal to an elderly couple at our church > I did this the weeks we were in town.

5. Look through and organize home decorations, and get rid of anything we don’t intend to use > Like I said, I don’t want to talk about it.

6. Get back to doing yoga more regularly > Don’t even ask me about this. I wore yoga pants a few times…

7. Work on a project to post in my Etsy shop!!!

Goals for April 2015

1. Continue making Bible study a higher priority

2. Pray and commune with God like it’s not a chore

3. Less screen time for Josiah

4. Visit a “Senior Saint” at least twice

5. Look through and organize home decorations, and get rid of anything we don’t intend to use (If I keep listing it, it’ll happen eventually, right?)

6. Continue to improve the look and usability of millybecomingwilder.com

7. Work diligently on Income Tax and Excel classes…Maybe finish early? Ha!

Beautiful weather makes me happier than I even realized. Every warm day lifts the winter funk a little more. As much as I’m looking forward to summer coming, I’m not wishing my life away. It is already moving too quickly. So if you want to crawl along, April, it’s fine by me.

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